thankful.

I love Christmastime...and now that I'm a mama, it definitely makes me wanna be more festive...decorations, christmas music, cookies, crafts...this year has been the most fun. I think because Stetson is at the age where he understands more, gets excited about opening presents, etc. He had a birthday party for Jesus at preschool (where he told me "we had a cake for him") and didn't have a clue who Santa was on the TV the first time he saw him...(ME: Who is that, Stetson? STETSON: Joseph or somping? ME: No... STETSON: Ewijah?)...Ha! The only place he has seen white bearded men is in his children's bible. :) This moment made me laugh and pleased at the same time.

Aside from all the normal 3 year old make-you-crazy-behavior, Stetson is pretty spectacular. His memory is astounding. He remembers everything. Musicians, songs, tunes, VEHICLES (his obsession), directions when we're in the car (he knows what parts of town all our friends/fam live, stores we go to, etc), shapes, letters, numbers...we are continually amazed. He's learning to write and is already becoming interested in reading (he's always asking "what does that say?" about anything with writing on it). I love watching his little brain work.

One of our latest discoveries of a way to help him manage some of his emotions has been to use a timer...on the regular. Almost "quiet time", almost bedtime, almost time to leave someone's house...he responds really well to it. Now he asks most of the time for us to set the timer. I can appreciate needing to know what's up and being mentally prepared. ;)

MY LITTLE STAR...oooooooooh my little beauty. She is babbling up a storm, still all smiles, rolling around (mostly in her bed), scooting backward a little, jumping in the johnny jump up...(Stetson was a few months behind on gross motor skills so I'm waiting to see how it all unfolds with her)...like him, she is already very dexterous...feeding herself really well and even not wanting me to put cheerios in her mouth for her! Today, I told Stella to say hey to her daddy and she looked at him and waved for the first time...and once again, I was a goner. GAH! She is too preshie for words. She also was being held by one of her uncles and wanted me and leaned toward me with her arms out and said "mama". Talk about melting my heart. Stetson was never really like that with me. He would want me to hold him but he wasn't near as attached to me. I have to say, one thing I love about having kids is that, having always loved babies, I've waited my whole life to have one want ME! On days like today when my daughter just wants me and says mama to me for the first time, it is a guilty pleasure and a great joy.

This December has been the least stressful one I've had in years. I think mainly because it's my first year not working and December is a salon's busiest month. So I've been able to somewhat leisurely shop throughout the month...have plenty of time with my little family...watch lots of Christmas movies with James...enjoy wrapping gifts & making treats...instead of trying to cram all of these things into my days off work and being exhausted all the time. I especially enjoy late in the evening, after the kids are in bed...usually in the midst of picking up around the house, dealing with the last bit of dishes, etc...sitting down for a bit in a quiet house, with the christmas lights making everything homey, some delicious hot chocolate in hand, and being reminded of how blessed I am.

So thankful.

Perspective.

When I re-read my last post, it almost makes me laugh...almost.

So much has changed in our lives since then...I shortly thereafter discovered I was pregnant with Stella...had a fairly non-eventful (aside from having gestational diabetes, being on an EXTREMELY strict diet, and having to give myself insulin shots) pregnancy that flew by...as I imagine all but the first pregnancies do...and she was born via scheduled c-section on March 28th at 7:40 a.m...7 lbs, 11 oz and 19 3/4 in of the sweetest little bundle of all things delightful...that said, the past almost 9 months have gone by in a blink. Once we got past the sleepless nights (she slept through the night for the first time at 6 weeks and then consistently ever since the day she turned 9 weeks...same age Stetson started sleeping through the night), life with Stella on board has added another layer of love and joy to my heart and soul. She is truly a delight. Can't think of a better word for her. I think she came out with a smile on her face. The only thing she means serious business about is her eatin'...and I can't blame her. ;) I didn't go back to work after she was born...it has been an adjustment in more ways than one...but it has also been my heart's desire for most of my life. So...I'm LOVING it...even when I'm exhausted, stressed out, lonely, and half crazy. I love it.

My experience with Stella has been a bit different than it was with Stetson...mainly because I didn't return to work, I have exclusively breastfed (which means I live my life in (now) 4 hour increments between feedings), I'm making all of her babyfood...and now we're giving cloth diapering a try (which has been a great experience so far!)...so I have definitely been embracing being a stay-at-home-mom when it comes to caring for and snuggling my sweet little star. You would think the new baby would be the one that has been a lot of work...but she has been God's grace to me this year.

And then there's my fantastic 3 1/2 year old. Wow. If I had only known what was in store for me when I last posted about him wanting to use the potty. Ha! If I remember correctly, that lasted for about 2 weeks. So...as anyone with a son knows...boys quickly evolve into wild little creatures. Stetson changed so much between 2 and 3. He went to mother's morning out twice a week. He started talking more. And more. And more. And climbing everything. And jumping off everything. And reaching the age where you feel like you spend most of your time trying to keep them safe. :/

And then he turned 3. And it got even crazier. Our beloved pediatrician forewarned us at his 3 year check-up that it can be a hard age...especially if they're verbal...and he most definitely is. My plan had been to start potty training after his third birthday...Stella would be around for a few months by then...maybe he would be adjusted...he would be old enough to know what was up...HA!!! Needless to say, this past summer was one of the hardest of my life because of those two little words. POTTY TRAINING. Where are the children who genuinely just have to get the hang of it, figure it out, and then are so happy to do it for you? I don't have one of those. Oh no...that would be too easy. He knew exactly what to do....how to do it...when to do it...and was even staying dry all night. But he meant he was gonna stick it to us. It was a summer filled with lots of poop and pee clean-ups...lots of tears from both of us...lots of stress for me because he had to be potty trained to go to preschool. It was another one of those things where I was really glad at the beginning that I didn't know what I was in for. Yikes. So there was that. And there has been MUCH sassing..."don't say that to me"...much challenging our EVERY word and/or threat...this kid is gonna be quite the leader...can't wait to see what the plan for his life entails. Yes, 3 has been the most challenging age I've yet to experience.

But it has also been full of many new and fun stages...so much more independence...picking out clothes, getting dressed, FINALLY being potty trained, singing songs, knowing the alphabet, counting, learning to write (trace) letters and numbers, fixing his own snacks/drinks, being a good little helper, overcoming some fears (mainly the vacuum and small appliances), loving being the "door holder" for me, using whatever he can find to be his "phone" that he texts from, takes pictures with, makes calls from, and charges...really just acting so much like a tiny adult (or should I say teenager?) that it is hilarious. Lots of pretending. Lots of precious moments being hilarious, curious, sensitive, sweet and loving...in the midst of all the screaming, crying fits and meltdowns because HE wants to buckle his own car seat, open the car door, etc.

Stetson simply adores his daddy. And he has been mostly sweet to Stella...just a little too rough sometimes. However, he unfortunately has a love/hate relationship with me. He is a man's man. If James isn't home, he's sweet to me and accepts me being the one to see about him. If James IS home...he makes no bones about it...he pretty much doesn't want me for anything. This has not been easy to swallow. And has made this third year difficult for me to navigate emotionally. He is not a mama's boy. He wants his daddy...all the time. He doesn't even want me to look at him if he gets hurt ("you can't see me wike dis"). James is really working with him on how to treat his mama (PTL) and I have definitely (and finally) started seeing some improvement...so that has been encouraging. Don't get me wrong, I love that he adores his daddy so much. I want him to be a man's man. But I am really asking the Lord to help me manage this, too. It's hard for my heart.

It's been a lot, this year. A new baby, recovering from major surgery, a 3 year old boy, potty training, husband away on a 7 week tour this fall...I'd say I've had my work cut out for me. But, you know what? I survived...by the grace of God. And I learned a lot. About loving when it's easy to love and especially when it's not. About leaving dishes in the sink and playing with your kids. About checking on other people when you're feeling really lonely. About realizing what your own needs are and speaking up. And, of course, I messed up A LOT. And I pretty much have realized I may never (will never) have it all together at the same time. And it'll be ok. Let's just I hope I don't do any permanent damage to those in my household in the process. ;)